Why do we wear cruel shoes? What is wrong with us?! When I go shoe shopping, I am automatically drawn to the most incredibly uncomfortable torture devices in the entire store! I have recently bought a few pairs of comfy flats to wear with vintage ensembles but for the most part, I'm all about very high heels that dig into the sides of your feet and make me want to crawl in a hole and die. I like my feet, honestly. Why do I treat them so badly? These fabulous green heels are my cruel shoes. They are so cute, match my two favorite dresses perfectly and make me feel miserable when I wear them. Why don't I throw them away? Because I love them! Yes, very stupid, I know. I have been on the look-out for new green shoes that treat my feet well but so far, no luck! Do you wear cruel shoes? Do you have a trick to combat the very unfashionable limp by the end of the day?
My husband has a very silly sense of humor and is a big Steve Martin fan. He brought home his book "Cruel Shoes" and this short story made me laugh....but only because its SO true!
Cruel Shoes by Steve Martin
Anna knew she had to have some new shoes today, and Carlo had helped her try on every pair in the store. Carlo spoke wearily, "Well, that's every pair of shoes in the place."
"Oh, you must have one more pair...."
"No, not one more pair....Well, we have the cruel shoes, but no one would want..."
Anna interrupted, "Oh, yes, let me see the cruel shoes!"
Carlo looked incredulous. "No, Anna, you don't understand, you see, the cruel shoes are..."
Carlo disappeared into the back room for a moment, then returned with an ordinary shoebox. He opened the lid and removed a hideous pair of black and white pumps. But these were not an ordinary pair of black and white pumps; both were left feet, one had a right angle turn with separate compartments that pointed the toes in impossible directions. The other shoe was six inches long and was curved inwards like a rocking chair with a vise and razor blades to hold the foot in place.
Carlo spoke hesitantly,"...Now you see why...they're not fit for humans..."
"Put them on me."
"Put them on me!"
Carlo knew all arguments were useless. He knelt down before her and forced the feet into the shoes. The screams were incredible. Anna crawled over to the mirror and held her bloody feet up where she could see.
"I like them."
Read Steve Martin's Cruel Shoes for other wild and crazy short stories such as "Women Without Bones" "How to fold Soup" "Dogs in my Nose" and "The Vengeful Curtain Rod".
Blouse-handmade by me
Skirt-handmade by me
vintage stockings-country meadow antiques in Alton IL
cruel shoes-payless shoes by American Eagle